Expectations.
- evangandy
- May 28, 2020
- 4 min read
My expectations have been a struggle for me. Not day-to-day, yet often enough to notice it in the occasional downtime. My relationship with expectations has for the most part been positive, a struggle, but still positive. It is at times of excess stress, emotion or lack of energy when my expectations seem to burden me.
In my opinion expectations are; how and what I need to do to complete the task; how and what others need me to do to complete the task; how much energy mentally or physically will be required to complete the task. All while striving to be the best or close to.
On average I create an equilibrium of confidence, virtue, struggle and perception within my mind pretty well. But, maybe as life eps and flows like waves upon a shore; there are times designed to bring you down. Forcing you to re-evaluate what should be expected from ones own capacity.
In the broadest sense; what are the expectations of a twenty-two year old?
Have a job.
Either be in post-secondary or have graduated from post-secondary
Pay your own bills
Don't spend all your money in one place
Have friends. Call your mom. Text your siblings.
Work enough that you can say you work hard.
Potentially have a significant other or at least be sleeping with whoever?
Fair? I don't know. Just thinking about what my parents would be proud of for me. If I completed even half this check-list I don't think they'd complain about too much.
In the most refined sense; what do I expect from myself?
I expect greatness. I don't expect overnight greatness, but I do expect to be the greatest in the room most times. And if I'm not the greatest, my head runs and races into who I'm up against. Similar to back in the sports days. Our team is down, who am I looking at and why am I better than them. Confidence for the most part. At times, over confidence. Also at times, lack in personal value.
"He who has a why in life can tolerate almost any how." - Friedrich Nietzsche
The same expectation of REQUIRING greatness in my mind, can hold not only pressure but a lot of weight on my mental health. I work my hardest, I smile through the difficulties and I enjoy the struggles of uncertainty. I enjoy getting better. And mentally deciding that each accomplishment can be out-classed, should be out-done, I compare my current self to my past self and say "are you better?", "are you good enough to be called great?", "what's next?".
This attitude has two major pathways;
1. Forcing myself to be better than yesterday, last month or last year. Accepting that accomplishments in any sense should come often. (Neutral)
2. Striving for the next thing to overcome or do well in doesn't allow time to relish in what has already been done. Devaluing my own person triumphs because I need to do something else of same or greater value. (Very bad)
It allows breaking points. It also allows comparisons to isolate themselves ahead of most other impulses. I see friends, family, and even after enough exposure, randoms on Instagram finding success day in and day out; after a while it gets hard. I love seeing my fiends and family succeed. I love seeing those I care about channel in their own greatness. Its amazing! Thats where I compare my expectations of greatness to those who are surrounding me. Which in itself can be good. Surrounding yourself with those who seek achievement, gratitude, success and eventual greatness is almost everything. You become the product of your chosen surroundings. It's just knowing when the equilibrium is shifting or when to acknowledge the control of my own situation is where I can struggle.
Back to the quarantine topics. Isolation and detachment from most physical interactions has made it difficult to see what expectations can and can't be accomplished in this moment and time. I can't work. I can't see my friends. I regrettably decided against summer school. Kind of everything that is "expected" from a twenty-two year old I seem to be failing. Everything that I see as my own expectations of myself I am beyond failing.
Yet the idea and understanding of accepting what is controllable is a must. The power I have over my own life right now, and understanding that power in its purest form, will guide me into a healthier mindset of what is actually expected. Because maybe what's expected today, is different than what was expected in February. Maybe it's the same.
Deciding to see what can be considered virtuous on my mind and heart. To be kind on myself. To avoid accepting that this situation of arguably shitty times is a forever situation. To not put a pause on thriving for greatness, but taking some energy out of the discussion while the world decides to figure itself out. To get off instagram throughout the day to avoid acts of comparison. To continue to run or talk to strangers on Facebook Marketplace to find blimps of joy or distraction.
I need to create the expectations within my own ethos towards happiness for who I am, not what I can or will be. I should be living more present, more consistent and to accept what is within my ability of control.
"There is only one way to happiness and that is to cease worrying about things which are beyond the power of our will." - Epicetus
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